Never letting go of you
by KTGrace1995
Summary: Callie is struggling and Stef & Lena are trying to help she keeps pushing them away though but they promise her that they will never ever let her go. TW Self harm and abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**This my first ever fanfiction so please be gentle ! i am dyslexic so some of my spelling and grammar may not be perfect but i promise i will try my hardest to make this as understandable and the best quality writing that i can do. I don't really know where the story is going to go but i really do need to do something so i have something to focus on as i am recovering from self harm and writing just distracts me from certain things. Even if nobody reads this then it's fine it more for my own sake that that of an audience. Please if you do read this Rate and Review and i will ****respond to any questions !**

**Trigger warning - ****SELF HARM please if you are triggered when reading things please don't read this ****story i would hate the think that i caused one of the beautiful souls of this planet to relapse and if you do self harm you don't deserve the pain however much you actually think you do & you are alive ! Go and do something else because you are worth so much more !**

**Never letting go.**

Stef grabbed hold of Callie's arm and turned the teen around.

"Callie , no matter how hard you pull away from us me and Lena are never ever going to let you go understood ?"

Stef's voice was very assertive & demanding just like she would use at work whilst detaining a suspected criminal .There was something different about the way she was speaking though so it made her a concerned parent rather a police officer and the different was her voice was also laced with love and that was something she definitely did not do whilst working. The teen took one look into the blue eyes of her foster mom and that was all it took for the tears to cascade out of her hazel eyes and down her pale face. Stef engulfed Callie into a hug and wiped away the tears on Callie's face with the cuff of her shirt. She then wiped the tears on her own face she had even realised that they were there until she has felt one rolled down her cheek.

"Stef ,i'm sorry i didn't mean to make you cry, i just don't know what to do anymore . Before it was just me and Jude , I knew what i was doing it was simple, I had to protect Jude at all costs. I was more like a mother than a sister and now that you and Lena actually want to help and be our parents it is just so hard i feel as if i am losing control , I just needed something." The last few words of Callie's apology came out as sobs but Stef understood what Callie was saying. Then Callie whispered something . Stef wanted to know what she had what she had said but knew it could wait until later there was more pressing matters to deal with at the moment so she gently stood up pulling Callie up with her and started walking towards the house luckily the sobbing teen didn't put up a fight and just allowed herself to be directed by Stef.

**...FLASH BACK TO EARLIER THAT MORNING...(TRIGGER WARNING)**

Lena woke up to the sound of somebody crying she leant over and looked at the alarm clock sat on Stef's bedside cabinet. The red interface flashed 3:27. Her wife was snoring so that meant she was in a deep sleep so she decided to leave the blonde in bed and investigate the sound on her own. As she open the bedroom door that lead on to the landing she heard the tap in the bathroom start to run a few seconds later Callie opened the bathroom door . The girl never looked up and began to walk down the stair case that was in front of her. Lena just stood and waited until she heard Callie reach the bottom step and head towards the kitchen. Lena then made her way down the stairs herself as quietly as she could she didn't want the young girl to realise that she was there. Lena could see Callie from the hallway she could see that the girl was looking for something but she didn't know what because the Jacob children had been in the house long enough to know where most things were. Then Callie must have found what she was looking for because she reached up to the top of the cupboard and place something on the kitchen nook. Lena walked a few paces forward then she realised that Callie had found the first aid kit. Lena's motherly instinct kicked in and on of her babies was hurt she needed to help as much as she could.

"Callie , Are you okay baby ? Why do you need the first aid kit ? What is hurting" Lena's voice was a whisper she didn't want to scare Callie but she needed answers. The teen turned around with a startled look on her face she looked like a deer who had just been caught in a set of then began to open her mouth as if she was going to speak but then closed it again. Lena took another step forward so that the young girl was now in reaching distance. Callie tried to move away from Lena but the kitchen nook was in the way. Lena reached reached for the the teen so she didn't hurt her head on one of the kitchen cupboards but the teen just dropped to floor and curled up in a ball on the floor.

Lena was now more confused than ever and she knew that she needed Stef. Her wife knew how to deal with things like this not that things like this happened often in the Foster Adams house hold. There was one occasion that sprung to Lena's mind though. It was when the twins had first come to live with the family , Marianna had accidentally dropped a cup in the kitchen and broke it . Jesus had heard the cup smash from his bedroom and had ran down stair , he ran straight passed Lena who was just making her way out of the snug to make sure that everything was okay. He made his way over to his sister and told her to go upstairs and lock herself in the bathroom and not come out for anyone apart from their social worker Jen or himself. Lena blocked Marianna's path out of the kitchen and stated to Jesus that nobody was going anywhere. Stef had heard what was going on from the back garden so she made her way in the house just as she opened the door she saw Jesus place himself between Marianna and Lena.

"Please don't hurt my sister let her go i will take the punishment without fighting , Please just don't hurt my sister." The young boy pleaded. The fact the young boy would take a punishment for his sister showed how much love he had for the girl brought a lump to Stef's through and tears to Lena's eyes. Stef was the first to talk out of the two adults.

"Nobody in this house will ever hurt you okay ?" She was trying to keep eye contact with the young boy whilst trying to make her way over to where her wife and the two children stood. It had taken her Stef 20 minuets to convince Jesus that neither chid would be punished for the accident so it was okay to go back to his room and carry on playing with his dinosaurs. Even the he took Marianna to his room with him and didn't leave her side for the next three days.

Lena knew that this was different though something else was happening her with Callie. She knelt down next to Callie and began to speak softly to the crying girl.

"I am not going to hurt you , I need you to sit up for me baby so i can talk to you . Can you sit up for me please Callie ? I need to know why you needed the first aid box !"

Callie slowly but surly moved her arms away from her face and sat up her eye still pinned to kitchen floor. Lena didn't really know what she was doing but then she noticed the red patch that was forming on Callie's sleeve.

"Callie can i please look at you arm sweetie ?' Lena asked cautiously but she tried to convey the fact that she would look even if Callie did say no. Callie looked up at Lena for the first time that night and quickly dissolved into tears. Lena needed to get the girl out of the kitchen and too a more private place . Even though it was three o'clock in the morning any of the other children could have walked in and she knew that Callie would want anyone else to see her like this especially not Jude. Lena took a hold on Callie's hand and whispered to the girl that they where going to go up stairs to the master bedroom where Lena would look at her arm. Callie started to push herself up off the floor when she wrapped felt arms being wrapped around her waste and herself being pulled up off the floor by Lena.

One they had made it up the stairs Lena placed Callie on the edge of the bed and turned the bed side lamp on and this woke Stef up . Stef rolled over and in a half asleep confused voice asked "why are are you two awake and what is going on ?"

"Callie is having some problems but its okay we are just going to patch her arm up with a bandage and we can all talk tomorrow ." Lena tried to reassure Stef that everything was okay but when Stef saw the blood on Callie's sleeve sat straight up and engulfed Callie in a hug whilst lena rolled her sleeve up so that she could look at the cuts. Lena made light work of cleaning the cuts and putting gauze on Callie's arm she finally pulled Callie's sleeve down to cover the bandages. Stef lowered Callie's now half sleeping form so that she was laid down between her and Lena. All three fell asleep knowing that tomorrow was going to be a long and emotional day.

**...END OF FLASH BACK...**

The next morning Callie had not said a single word and Stef and Lena really need to talk to her so after the family had finished breakfast they asked her to stay behind so that they could have a chat. Stef was trying to get some kind of read off of Callie but couldn't she just seemed so closed off and distant .

"Callie what happened last night ?" Lena just asked the question that was weighing on both of the adults minds. Callie did not respond though she just sat with a blank expression on her face and staring out of the window.

"Come on Callie at least try to cooperate with us just a little but here please ?" Stef said trying to encourage the girl to speak but instead Callie bolted from the table and into the back garden . Lena looked at Stef with a hopeless look on her face Stef replied with a look of i have got this don't worry before standing up and walking out of the door that the teen had ran out of a few moment ago .

"Callie you need to come back inside please with me so we can talk." Stef was trying to stay calm she knew getting angry was going to help the situation. Callie started to walk further away from the blonde and Stef knew she had to take control of this so

Stef grabbed hold of Callie's arm and turned the teen around.

"Callie , no matter how hard you pull away from us me and Lena are never ever going to let you go understood ?"

Stef's voice was very assertive & demanding just like she would use at work whilst detaining a suspected criminal .There was something different about the way she was speaking though so it made her a concerned parent rather a police officer and the different was her voice was also laced with love and that was something she definitely did not do whilst working. The teen took one look into the blue eyes of her foster mom and that was all it took for the tears to cascade out of her hazel eyes and down her pale face. Stef engulfed Callie into a hug and wiped away the tears on Callie's face with the cuff of her shirt. She then wiped the tears on her own face she had even realised that they were there until she has felt one rolled down her cheek.

"Stef ,i'm sorry i didn't mean to make you cry, i just don't know what to do anymore . Before it was just me and Jude , I knew what i was doing it was simple, I had to protect Jude at all costs. I was more like a mother than a sister and now that you and Lena actually want to help and be our parents it is just so hard i feel as if i am losing control , I just needed something." The last few words of Callie's apology came out as sobs but Stef understood what Callie was saying. Then Callie whispered something . Stef wanted to know what she had what she had said but knew it could wait until later there was more pressing matters to deal with at the moment so she gently stood up pulling Callie up with her and started walking towards the house luckily the sobbing teen didn't put up a fight and just allowed herself to be directed by Stef.


	2. Chapter 2

As Stef and Callie walked into the house they both could see the concern on Lena's face. Callie did something that surprised both of the adults she walked straight over to Lena and wrapped her arms around the black women's replaced the concern look on her face with a smile and embraced Callie in a return hug. Stef stood watching the scene in front of her play out . She looked on at her foster daughter and wife wrapped around each other and that is when she knew Callie and Jude belong with their family . The family would break if the two Jacobs children left this household. Callie turned around to see the blonde staring . She quickly removed her left arm and offered it to Stef. The blond to the arm without hesitation and engulfed her wife and child in a hug. The three of them stood in each others embrace for a few moment just enjoying the comfort.

Callie was the first to speak .

"I need to tell you two something but you can't get angry with Jude because he hasn't done anything. It was all me and if you want to send me away then that is perfectly fine but please don't send him away because he needs someone to look after him , he needs a family and you can give him that." Stef and Lena just stared at Callie with confused looks on their face .

"Please promise me that before I tell you about the past ? Stef please promise that you will keep Jude !" Callie's voice had now turned into sobs and her breathing had once again become laboured. Lena had learned the sign of a panic attack and knew exactly what to do . She entwind her fingers with Callie's fingers and placed them upon the exposed skin on lena's chest. She then cradled the young girl in her arms and began to rock back and forth. As she did this the young girl had started to calm down her breathing had slowed down and she was now peacefully sleeping .

Lena laid the girl down on the couch and Stef went to grab the blanket of the back of the couch . She covered the girl with a blanket and the turned around wrapping her arms around her wife. Stef felt Lena shake underneath her , she knew her wife was crying . She guided her wife into the kitchen as they reached the nook Lena crumpled and Stef was the only thing that was keeping her on her feet.

Stef lowered her wire onto the floor and then sat down at the side of her. Lena placed her head on Stef's lap and just carried on crying .

"I don't know if can do this again. I don't know if I'm strong enough to help her get through this. It just hurts seeing her like this I know how she feels and I can't help her. I can't be there for her without it effecting me in a bad way."

Stef knew exactly what Lena was talking about and started to rub calming circles on her wife's back.

"you can do it babe I promise , you have beat it once and we can help callie beat it too ! I promise and I will be here to help both of you I will never leave ." Stef whispered and then pulled her wife closer .

i am sorry about this update my computer broke so i am on my phone & having to pay to use the internet :/ I will update again tonight I promise as I. Am buying a new computer this afternoon !


	3. Chapter 3

Stef managed to convince Lena to go and take a shower before the other children got home from school. She had cleaned up the breakfast things in the kitchen and now she was sat outside watching the birds play in the trees. She heard a noise behind her . When she turned around she saw Callie stood with a blanket wrapped around her. She looked so young & so broken. Stef stood up and with no actually invitation Callie ran to her and dived into her arms . Stef was shocked at first and then she heard Callie whispering. Stef still had her arms wrapped around her daughter but she needed to know what the child was saying so she slightly pulled away from Callie so that she could see the girls face. Callie had tears running down her face but Stef couldn't see the source of the tears due to the girls fringe. Stef moved Callie's fringe out of her face and looked into the her dark hazel eyes. Stef felt her own tears threatening to escape from her eyes but she knew she had to be strong for Callie . Callie needed her and she would be there just like any normal parent would.

"Callie what did you just say ?" Stef was also whispering so that she did not scare the broken teen.

"I'm so sorry mummy , I didn't mean to make mama cry . I love both and I'm sorry please don't send me away"Callie voice sounded like a small child's . This hurt for Stef because it showed how vulnerable Callie actually was. Finally her mask had fallen she wasn't this independent young adult that she had portrayed since her mother had died. Actually she was the complete opposite . She had to put on this act to protect her brother and now she could finally fall apart because Stef and Lena were there to care for him. He had a family and that was enough for Callie.

Stef could barley hear what Callie but she could hear it and that was all that mattered. "Did she really just call me and Lena mom and mamma ?" Stef questioned wether or not she had just heard the girl correctly . Callie just laid in her head back onto Stef's chest and started to play with the sleeves of her shirt.

"Baby girl you have nothing to be sorry for okay ?" Stef gave Callie a look of love and affection trying to convince her that she wasn't angry with her. Callie silently just shook her head and looked away from the blonde. Stef reached for Callie's shoulder and turned her so that they were looking at each other once again . "Me and Mama love you so much , no matter what has happened in the past or what is going to happen in the future. We will always Love you don't ever question that you are our daughter so the love we have for you is unconditional."

They both had tears running down there faces she they heard the rest of the children arrive home from school.

"Why don't you go up and get so sleep on mine and mama's bed ? Once your brothers and sister have started there homework i will come up and me ,you and mama can actually talk." Callie knew that this really wasn't a question more of a instruction she slowly rose to her feet and walked towards the house. Stef sat outside for a few minuets longer just thinking about the events which had taken place that day. What did Callie need to tell them ? Would Lena actually be strong enough this time ? How was she going to help her wife and daughter ? Would she be able to help them ? Her mind was swimming with thoughts but she knew that firstly she had to goo and sort the other children out. She rose from the spot she and Callie had been sat in and followed Callie's footsteps back towards the house.

Stef checked on all of the children then walked into the master bedroom to find Callie snuggled up with Lena on the double bed. She quietly walked back out of the room not wanting to disturb her wife or daughter.

Stef had cooked tea and called the rest of the house to come and eat before it went cold. Jude was the last person to walk into kitchen and his eyes scanned the room for his saw the concern appear in Jude's eyes and reassured him that his sister was okay by quickly saying that Callie was asleep upstairs with mama and there was nothing to worry about. He smiled at Stef before saying

"Thankyou for taking care of her. She acts like she doesn't need anyone but she does because she is still a child no matter how mature she acts. I love you mom." Jude simply carried on with eating his tea . Stef was surprised at the boys words but they made her so happy ! He had actually call her mom , in the past 24 hours both of the Jacob's had now accepted her as their actual mom and it was the best feeling ever.

...Callie & Lena...

Lena woke with someone's arms wrapped around her waist at first she thought it was Stef but when she opened her eyes she realised it was Callie. Callie looked so peaceful , Lena thought she was asleep until she heard the girl "I'm sorry mama for making cry earlier please forgive me"

"You have nothing to be sorry for , I need you to sit up though because we really need to have a conversation about your self harm" Lena voice was assertive but filled with concern for her daughter. The teen slowly pushed herself up on the bed until she was sat up against the headboard with her knees pressed against her chest. Lena sat up next to the girl and slowly took her hand in her own.

"What we are about to talk about stays between us two and of course mom okay ?"Lena was looking in Callie's eye trying to convey how serious she was trying to teen nodded her head in agreement to Lena's question. Lena took a deep breathe and then opened her mouth to begin , this was probably going to be harder than when she had spoke to Stef about her self harm. She was an adult she was meant to be the one helping her. Instead all she could think about was running into the en suit and finding the nearest razor . She had to block these thoughts out , she had to be the strong one now because Callie needed her but she needed Stef.

" Do you mind if i go and get mom before we start talking ? Just so she can be here to support us and try to help us the best she can." Lena knew she was just talking for the sake of it. She was trying distract herself from her thoughts but she wasn't sure if she could stay strong without Stef at the side of her.

Callie was now confused but just nodded Lena walked out of the bedroom. "Why had had Lena said us ? Why didn't she say you ? Lena can't be like me can she ? No she wouldn't she an adult with children . She nearly runs a school she wouldn't intentionally hurt herself she looks so happy !" Callie's head was swimming with so many thoughts right now. She was brought out of these thoughts when she heard Stef and Lena on the landing outside. This was it this really going to they were actually going to talk about Callie's self harm , no more running away from it .

Hahaha sorry to leave it on a cliff hanger ! I know i was going to update again yesterday but u kind of lost my muse and i didn't want to upload a rubbish chapter. I hope everyone is okay and just know that you are all beautiful ! :D I will update again soon i promise 3 Katie Grace.

"I Know


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